Sladed Substitute Teacher Tales

Great Idea

2009-04-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

I have substituted in the same first grade class frequently this year so I know the kids pretty well. The other week I was unprepared for an argument that two of the boys got into. Somehow the subject of aliens came up. The first boy said that aliens are real and that his dad told him they were. The second boy said that aliens are not real. This went back and forth with tempers rising along with their adamant ascertains of their truths. Finally I'd had enough and, not wanting to get into a discussion about the existence of Aliens (or God or anything else for that matter!), I told them to stop talking about it. After recess these same two boys walked into the classroom once again arguing about it. I told them there would be no more alien talk today and threatened them with doing laps during lunch if it continued!

This past week one of the boys, who is often a behavior problem, showed up to school wearing a black t-shirt with a slogan on the front in white lettering that said, "Every great idea I have always gets me in trouble!" Perfect!

It's Not Fair!

2009-03-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

I was in a first grade class this week. Every morning after recess we would come into the class and I would read a book from the pile of books the teacher had selected from the library.

On Wednesday we read It’s Not Fair! By Robyne Supraner. It was copyrighted in 1976 which meant some content lead to a couple of interesting discussions. The book is about a little sister who is constantly complaining about what her baby brother can do/get away with. Throughout the book she says the refrain, “It’s not fair!”

Two things were of particular interest in the story. First, the sister complains about Andrew the baby because he gets to sit in the front seat. As every 6 year old knows, kids should not sit in the front seat because they “could get killed by the airbag.”

Later in the story the big sister does something really dumb and silly that damages the dining room chair. She gets a spanking. This leads one of my students to ask what a spanking is. “Is it a machine?”

Of course, during the rest of the week, whenever a student complained about something I would whine back at them, “It’s not fair!” This put an end to their complaining. I was tempted to threaten them with spankings but those threats would have been empty.

Each day, after reading a book, the students would take out their “writer’s notebook” and write something. Usually they were to write something inspired by what we read, though it didn’t have to be that. One day I decided to let those who wanted to to share something they wrote. This can be a disaster or interesting, depending on the kids. No one may think this is funny but it struck me funny. One kid wrote: “This is me when I am 89.” And he drew a picture of himself with a long beard. Another kid decided to write How to Feed a Venus Fly Trap. 1. Get a fly swater. 2. Swat fly. 3. Get tweazerse 4. Open cap from trap 5. Put fly on leaf.

The Multicultural Middle Finger

2008-12-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

The 2nd grade class I subbed in for 4 months back in the spring of 2007, had quite a range of abilities and a similar range of behaviors. In my opinion second graders should not know what the middle finger means or even that it is "bad". But since 2nd graders don't live in a vacuum, some of them, especially the one with older brothers or sisters, know that it is bad to raise your middle finger and that you can get in trouble for doing so.

At one point during my tenure there, one of the students began to do this to his classmates, making sure I didn't see him. Of course this invoked a strong reaction from the intended target of this gesture, which led to my being told, which eventually lead to a visit to the principal. Whenever he did something wrong he would always apologize for his transgression and assume that this was all it would take to get him off the hook. But "I'm sorry" just didn't cut it.

A few weeks later a bunch of the boys began holding up their pinkie finger to each other. When questioned about this, I was taught something I'd never known before. I was informed that the little finger in China means the same thing as holding up your middle finger in the United States. Did I ever get an education from this class!

Dodged a Bullet or Two

2008-12-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I showed up for a half day sub job in the morning to find the teacher still in the classroom writing plans. She said she could have done them last night but by the time she had finished dealing with "the incident" she was too tired to stay any longer. She said that I was fortunate because "the incident" had been suspended for a few days and so I wouldn't have him in the classroom.

She proceeded to tell me about one of her students, Jimmy. It seems that things began to escalate at lunch recess when he did some things during a game that weren't fair. By 3rd graders' sense of right and wrong, what he did simply had to be reported to the teacher. Unfortunately over half the class, with each student acting independently, felt it was his or her duty to be the one to do the reporting.

As more than 10 people surround the teacher attempting to outshout each other, Jimmy felt ganged up on. He began to desolve in anger. This is a bad thing because Jimmy apparently has difficulty with uncontrollable rage. He began to break apart a wooden bench that was near by and once he broke a piece of wood off, wielded it as a weapon. The teacher got the rest of her class inside.

No amount of talking would calm Jimmy's rage and eventually the teacher and another aide had to take him down to the ground; this in front of early arriving parents who were there to pick up their children. The police were called, Jimmy's mom came, and the police officer eventually agreed to send the kid to a hospital for observation. After hearing this story I felt fortunate to have dodged a bullet by 1/2 a day.

This brings me to today. Once again I subbed in this classroom. The teacher filled me in on Jimmy's current behavior (it's been good) and what to do if things started to escalate. It's very unfortunate but apparently his home is in turmoil and he is not coping well. This is the result.

At this point I was told to keep an eye on him, not to be confrontational, and, if things began to escalate, let him do what he wants: take a walk, step out of the room, or whatever. In a way he is in complete control. If he gets upset he will soon learn that he can use this to get his own way. The teachers and staff here are smart enough to know that this is not a permanent solution but since I'm only here for a small snapshot out of all the day-to-day goings on, that solution is good enough for a sub.

Thankfully, nothing major came up. There was a small issue at PE but I did my best to just ignore things. It wasn't worth testing his tolerance and having another meltdown.

No C.D.'s

2008-11-30T20:55:00.000-08:00

I spent a day last week with some 3rd and 4th grade little darlings. There were the usual interruptions, students getting off task, and kids trying to get away with stuff. But it was a nice enough class. You forget how normal things can go when you have a classroom like that. The whole day just goes more smoothly when a "Constant Disruptor" or two. At the end of the day you emerge with your sanity and some energy, and without your eyes in a crossed condition.

Constant Disruptors are like little hurricanes in the classroom. They are constantly off task, frequently doing what they aren't supposed to be doing, and often taking your attention away from teaching. Not only do they tend not to get their work done, their swirling winds distract others who get sucked into the storm. The little hurricane is confined and has an effect on everyone and everything in the room. Unless you can control a CD or remove him/her your day is going to blow!

Back in the Pool

2008-11-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

I'm back in the sub pool and got my first assignment last Wednesday. It turned out to be at my "home school", the school I'd spent many, many days working at in the past. I've done everything from half days to full weeks to a long-term 4 month assignment there. Wednesday I subbed for a teacher I've known since my 22 year old son was in her kindergarten class!

It was nice to be back and see so many familiar faces at the school, including seeing kids (those "little darlings") who I hadn't seen in over a year. None of those familiar faces were in my class that I remembered. Some did claim to remember me from kindergarten but I had my doubts until one said, "You're funny", which is my reputation among the connoisseurs of humor, five to eight year olds.

Though I was a little anxious about how the day would go after being away from it for so long, everything went pretty smoothly. A day filled with 20 six and seven year olds requires more energy than I was used to giving. It's certainly a different kind of energy than doing a triathlon. And my voice wasn't in shape either!

Thank goodness Thursday's assignment the next day with a 3rd grade class at another school was easier. There nearly all the darlings were cooperative and even the ones that weren't were not that big of a challenge. The day included nearly an hour spent on disaster drills: first a lock down, then an earthquake, and finally a fire. We returned to the classroom and worked for about a half hour before the recess bell rang. Then, during recess, they reset the fire alarm bell. In doing so the alarm went off and all the kids at recess plus all the upper grades that were in their classrooms got to "practice" another fire drill!

A few years back, when I had an 8 week job in a K/1 combination class, we had a real lock down that lasted almost 2 hours. The police were pursuing some guy who had run into the canyon behind the school. The rumor was he may have been armed but I don't really know. Anyway, this was right after lunch and everyone locked their doors and turned out the lights. The worst thing was that we were not in a traditional kindergarten classroom so there was no bathroom within the room. I had two darlings who just couldn't hold it any more. Fortunately I happened to have brought in a 5 gallon bucket so I gave them a little privacy and they went in the bucket. Thankfully no one had the #2 urge!

I'm Baaaack!

2008-11-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

Due to some uncertain times with a job I've been working for a little over a year, my good friend (and employer) had to lay me off. With the hope that I will be able to work for him again soon, I have decided not to look for other work for now and instead go back to substitute teaching as a sort of bridge until work for my friend's company comes in and I am needed once again. Substitute teaching is a viable, temporary, and quick option that I have 7 years of experience in.

I've only been away from it for about 16 months so I think I can just jump right back in. I imagine that I'll be a little rusty at first, not as efficient, not as quick with discipline, a little slow on problem solving, and a bit off on the rhythm of school. It will all come back quickly.

I will be at a slight disadvantage compared to before I left. Many of the Little Darlings knew me and I knew them. I'm curious to see if my responses and attitude have changed since being away. I've had a year of being in the "real world" so to speak, working with and sometimes supervising adults. (In some ways supervising some of them was no different than substituting in 4th grade!) It will also be interesting to me to see if my approach or attitude will be different since I currently do not have the goal of becoming a full-time, pemanent teacher as I had in the past.

I have mixed emotions about going back. I liked working with the kids and being able to help out a teacher who was in need. But the energy required and the nonsense a sub has to put up with for such little pay are the downsides of going back into the classroom.

Semi-Retired

2007-12-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

It finally happened. No, not a permanent teaching job. This past September I accepted another job outside of education that is more rewarding financially. It's not as rewarding satisfaction-wise compared to teaching kids but I'd begun to wonder if the benefits were worth the long hours and constant challenges. No, I won't be making a difference in the classroom with my new job but I will have normal hours and don't have to work an evening job.

I miss the kids and I still have the option of coming back to subbing but so far I'm in no hurry.

2 Kids + 18 Squirrels = Insanity?

2007-02-23T00:33:00.000-08:00

Seven year old children: I have seen quite the range this month. From nearly angelic to constant motion. This is the range of the second grader. Over the past four weeks I have subbed in 4 different 2nd grade classrooms.

The range of behavior has been amazing. One class is loaded with cooperative, well-behaved children. It turns out that, because it's a 2nd/3rd combination, the students were "hand picked" to make management of the class easier. Two of the classes have a mixture of children. Some of the kids are constantly focused and quiet. Two or three kids are easily distracted, talk frequently, and get off task. The majority of the kids are mostly on the job and can be redirected easily when necessary. Another class is composed of 2 or 3 students who can be counted on to stay on task and to make excellent behavior and activity choices in the classroom. The remaining 17 or 18 range from "often off task" to "nearly always off task".

Beginning this week I took a long term substitute teaching job for a teacher who is trying to recover from a physical injury. She job shares with another teacher and so I will be filling in for her for 6 weeks on Wednesday, Thursday, and every other Friday. You may have already guessed that her class is NOT the combination class of hand-picked students. It's also not one of the two classes that are a typical mixture. No, it's the one that's filled with 18 squirrels and 2 civilized children.

For the remaining 5 weeks I will be teaching this class and doing all the things that a regular classroom teacher does: grading papers, preparing lesson plans, attending staff meetings, and trying to survive the squirrels without going insane. Of course I will still receive normal substitute wages for the privilege. I'll continue to accept other sub jobs on off days, work at the Big 'n' Nice Bookstore at night, and try to squeeze my workouts into my non teaching days. Because of this, and 3 other obligations that have approaching deadlines, there will likely be fewer postings on this blog. (Besides that, Laz is no longer publishing his blog. With a combined total of 317 posts on this and the Get Sladed blog, I've won!)

What I do post will probably be tales from the classroom. To my loyal reader: check back next week.

Contractions

2007-01-22T11:24:00.001-08:00

When I teach contractions to 2nd or 3rd graders I usually start with the two words. For example, I write can not on the board. Then I write the words next to each other: cannot. Finally I cross out some letters and add the apostrophe, explaining that the apostrophe takes the place of the letters that are removed: can't.

What is ... what's
It is ... it's
Would not ... wouldn't
Could not ... couldn't
Cannot ... can't
Do not ... don't
Did not ... didn't

So what's the deal with won't? Shouldn't will not become willn't?

S.S.R.

2007-01-18T15:23:00.000-08:00

SSR stands for Sustained Silent Reading. In many classrooms teachers set aside a certain amount of time during the school day for their students to have SSR. This gives them an important opportunity to read a book that they have selected for their own pleasure. Without this alloted time some students would never choose to read for their own enjoyment. (I was one of those students back in the day.) The book typically comes from the school library, from home, or from the classroom library. That classroom library can be quite extensive, especially if the teacher has been collecting books for a number of years.

All this week I've been substituting in a third grade classroom. One of the students informed me that a teacher told his older brother that SSR does NOT stand for Sustained Silent Reading. "SSR," I was informed, "really means Sit down, Shut up, and Read!"

You're My Favorite

2006-11-21T00:20:00.000-08:00

When Son 2 was in kindergarten, we signed him up to play soccer, just like son 1. Of course we were quite late registering, so teams had already been formed. The only way to get him on a team was to volunteer to be the coach. I had assisted with 2 of Son 1's teams so I agreed to do it. My coaching "career" continued for eight more years after that as I posed as a head or assistant coach for Son 2's teams until he got to high school where he put aside the black and white round ball and took up the pigskin.

I'll never forget that first team of 5 year olds, the Blue Power Rangers. One particular player was quite aggressive, even if his technique lacked much polish. He went on to play in the sport he was more suited to play, high school football, as a lineman. At the awards (pizza) dinner after soccer season he came up to me and whispered, "You're the best coach I ever had." It was so sweet, cute, and touching. But then I realized that I was also the ONLY coach he'd ever had.

I thought of this today when I substituted in the same kindergarten class for the 3rd time; the same class I was in on the first day of school. One of the cute little girls in this class always smiles and gives me a big hug when she sees me. For the second time in a week she said, "Mr Sladed, you're my favorite teacher." Even though it's very sweet and touching, and even if it's true, that makes me her favorite out of all TWO teachers she has had in her long and storied life as a student!

Where's Sladed?

2006-11-03T02:23:00.000-08:00

At the end of Red Ribbon Week, the class I substituted for attended a program about being drug free. We then went outside with the rest of the school to stand for a picture taken from a helicopter that was printed in the newspaper. Where's Sladed? Can you find me? (For a bigger view, click on the picture.)

Don't scroll down until you've given up!

Need a hint? Scroll back up and see the last E.

Spelling Test

2006-10-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, the spelling test is still around. Many or most teachers still give a list of spelling words at the beginning of the week (or at the end of the previous week). Teachers have variations on how they do it but typically there's a list of words and a number of dictation sentences containing those words. It is often the case that the word list comes from the literature selection. In addition many teachers offer challenge words and bonus words for students with higher abilities.

Some people might wonder what the point is in teaching and learning spelling. After all, we have computers and spell check and all that.

Spelling is still important. Obviously one doesn't always have spell check. Spelling also helps you learn and understand the conventions of English spelling which is important with phonics and learning to read. And, just as an aside, spelling is VERY important in my current job as a bookseller. The book searches I do on the computer do NOT forgive bad spelling. Don't spell a word right and I am not likely to find the book I'm looking for.

Today's 2nd grade spelling test included the following words: late, made, ate, same, cave, and lake. Some of the challenge and bonus words included etiquette, manners, and message. The sentences, with emphasis on words with a long vowel sound and a silent e, were:

She came late.
We ate the same grape!
Can you see the cave by the lake?

Many of the students who are English Language Learners have a lot of difficulty with the sentences, especially early in the year. That I hope explains what I saw on one of the tests when I was grading them during recess:

She wrote 2. we ate the same crap!

Drawing My Costume

2006-09-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

As a teacher or a substitute teacher you are sometimes called upon to demonstrate your artistic skills so that the students can follow your example or observe the process. This was the case when I substituted this week. The teacher wanted the students to draw a picture and write a story in their journals. It was to be about their Halloween costumes and what might happen on Halloween night. She/He was hopping they might make up a story using future tense verbs and draw a picture, starting with black crayon and then using at least 5 colors. Why five colors? Because some of them have no interest in drawing a picture and tend to rush through the whole process. By insisting on 5 colors and details, it requires at least at little more effort. Since most of them are at the very earliest stages of writing, each student dictates what they want to say and I write it on a Post-It Note that they then stick on their drawing.

For this lesson the teacher wanted me to demonstrate the process on a poster sized sheet of paper, "thinking outloud" as I went and asking questions as I drew my picture. Because some students are overly concerned about mistakes, I often make fun of my artistic abilities by declaring that I am a great artist and then drawing a stick figure, which makes them laugh. I also ask them if they are allowed to make mistakes and then reassure them that it is okay. I rarely have to purposely make a mistake because I nearly always make one by accident.

So, here I am in my costume. I purposely went with "funny" costume instead of a scarey one, thus the mismatched sleeve lengths (originally a mistake), pant lengths, high-heeled boot and sneaker, and droopy sword. Please note the effective use of color!

Bilingual

2006-08-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

I had a little conversation with a 1st grader after she was done with her work while she was waiting for the others to finish:

Girl: What's your name again?
Me: MrSladed.
Girl: MrSladed, I speak 2 languages.
Me: You do?! What do you speak?
Girl: Spanish and English.
Me: Wow! That's great!. I speak two languages too.
Girl: You do? Which ones?
Me: English and Gibberish.
Girl: How do you speak Gibberish?
Me: Bjrrblick mijersasck ooblickblock.
Girl: Nuh, uh!
Me: Yep. That's Gibberish.

Summer

2006-06-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and school is out. I've substituted now for six and a half years. As the school year ended I learned that once again I have not been hired by the school district I have given so much time to. This despite being a substitute in high demand that is often personally requested by teachers in the district. To this I can pretty much only say one word...frustration.

There are still avenues to persue besides the district I'm dedicated to, which I'm following up with. But still...

Reading Aloud

2006-06-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Reading aloud to a class full of students who are into a story and are following along is one of my favorite things to do as a substitute. Such was the case a few days before the end of the school year when I subbed for half a day in a 4th grade classroom a couple of weeks ago.

Fourth grade is the year the students study California history. Many teacher do something with the book By The Great Horn Spoon by Sid Fleischman. The book is a work of historical fiction that incorporates the California goldrush of 1849 into the story. The great benefit of this kind of book is that it brings the era alive for the students and gives them yet another avenue for comprehending history. Some of the third grades in my area read a book about a young white boy who learns the ways of the local Indians called Indians of the Oaks by Melicent H. Lee, which fits well with their study of history on the local level. In fifth grade, when they study American history, some classes read Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes. Another fourth grade book that gets read by some is Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell. Though this one can be a challenge, it covers some of the history of earlier California. All of these books can be engaging and educational for the students.

As a substitute I have read many chapters in these and other books. The trouble is, I rarely get to read the whole book! Until this year I didn't know the beginning OR the ending of Indians of the Oaks until I finally asked one of the teachers! Fortunately I have read By the Great Horn Spoon before so when I substituted recently and was reading chapter 12 (or there abouts) I knew what was going on. Getting to change voices, be dramatic, and just generally put on a little show when I read, is great fun for everyone and keeps the students interested. Not only that, it makes the material more accessible to students who might not otherwise be capable of reading these books. It's ashame the kids don't get more of this but curriculum and testing pressures have taken their toll and not as much of this is done in the classroom.

Annual Softball Game

2006-06-13T16:06:00.000-07:00

I have substituted for teachers for all sorts of reasons in the past, but today was a first for me. The primary reason I subbed was so the teacher had an easy reason to miss the Annual Teachers versus 6th Graders Softball Game! While this kind, wonderful teacher can play just fine, he/she did NOT want to perform in front of as many as 500 students.

Being nearly 50 year old, I managed to pull a hammy and have been placed on the D.L!

The Addam's Family

2006-06-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

For those of you who remember the tune to The Addam's Family TV show (and movie), this is how some kindergarten and first grade kids know the names for the days of the week:

(Sung to the theme song for the show.)
There's Sunday and there's Monday,
There's Tuesday and there's Wednesday,
There's Thursday and there's Friday,
And then there's Saturday!
Days of the week, [snap, snap]
Days of the week, [snap, snap]
Days of the week, days of the week, days of the week. [snap, snap]

Just thought you'd like to know!

The Bead

2006-05-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

Last week I substituted in the same K/1 class I subbed in on St. Patrick's Day. Everything went fairly smoothly until shortly after recess. We were beginning Math after doing the Calendar and Sharing when Eric began to cry. (Eric was one of the central characters in an ongoing conflict that I described in the St. Patrick's Day post.) When I went over to investigate, prepared to deal with some argument or disagreement, Eric revealed, "I stuck a bead in my ear!" The bead was smaller than a green pea, made out of hard plastic.

Repressing a mild desire to laugh, I began to reassure him that everything would be okay. He was obviously upset and worried. Perhaps it was due to my inexperience but I left him at his table to get the pad of hall passes so I could send him to the office/nurse. That was a mistake! Immediately the experts in the room, some of whom presumably having experience in such matters, started informing Eric what he was in for.

"It really hurts when they take it out!"
"It might be stuck in there forever!"
"It's gonna go into your brain!"

Eric began to get visibly more upset. I immediately went and got him, reassuring him as best I could that everything would be okay and that the kids were wrong and not to listen to them. After Eric left the room with the helper of the day walking him to the office, I calmly explained why their notions about what would happen were wrong. I'm not sure they were convinced but we eventually moved on to our Math.

Fish

2006-05-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A fsh.

Skeleton

2006-05-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

A: He didn't have the guts!

Apology Letters

2006-05-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

I returned to the same school on Monday after dealing with the "3rd Grade Class That Won't Be Quiet" for three days last week. Today's 3rd grade class is as different as can be. There is not this constant misbehavior or talking. There is not this energy drain like in the other class. What a difference!

The teacher whose class I subbed in last week saw me and decided to have his kids write me letters of apology. It makes for interesting reading as the recipient. Some contain genuine feelings of remorse. I know that many are just doing the assignment. In general they are not really expressing heart-felt sentiments.

One exception to that is the one from the boy I sent to the principal. His behavior had been so unacceptable that I couldn't ignore it, or simply take away recess or something. He did it once, causing quite a reaction from his classmates. So I moved him away from the group. Then he repeated it, leaving me little choice but to act. (Sorry to withhold details of what he did but confidentiality is a bit of a concern...let's just say it wasn't terrible but it was over the line.)

In writing his letter I am certain he had feelings of remorse, and not just because he was sent to the principal. He often seems to regret his behavior when he gets into trouble for it. Even though he is a disruptive force in the classroom I can't help but see his positive potential and to want to help him do better. To me he's a loveable kid for sure. His letter is at the end.

Here is a sampling of letters, spelling and grammar errors included:

Dear Mr. _____, I am sorry that me and the other kids were not on are best behvior when you came. Sincerely, ____
Dear Mr. _____, We are sorry for being a disruption and talking in class. We are sooo sorry. You are a great substitute. Sincerely, _____
Dear Mr _____, I'm sorry what we did to you. Every body got out of controll. Our class is all sorry. Sincerely, _________
Dear Mr. _____, I am sorry for disrupting and talking in class. I am very sorry. I will never do it again. Sincerely, _____
Dear Mr. _____, I am very sorry for my behoir it was really bad but next time I will do better next time. Sincerly, _______
Dear Mr. _____, I am so sory becus I mouth off and disdoba you. I am sory that I tacta lot. Sincerly, _____

Here is a sampling from students who may have felt that someone else was misbehaving or that he or she was only partially responsible:

Dear Mr. _____, I was bad and good. I did work and I talked. I was mostley bad and I talked a lot. Sincerely, _______
Dear Mr. ____, I am very sorry how we were behaving to you. We want to say were very very very sorry. I feel bad for you. You are a really great teachter and you disrber more. Sincerely, ______
Dear Mr. _____, I'm sorry if our class was rewd. I apoligies so don't blame it on Mr. _________ [their teacher]. We are so so sorry I hope you will come back. I will be better next time I promes. So I hope you forgive us. Sincerely _____
Dear Mr. _____, I feel bad for the ones that didn't coreopurate with you. I think you are a good and a great teacher. I think the bad ones think you are a bad teacher. Well, thanks for the help. Sincerely, _____
Dear Mr. _____, Thank you for subbing our class. I injoyed what you taught us. I am sorry that some of us were noisy. I hope you will sub my class again. Sincerely, ______
Dear Mr. _____, I am sary that the other kids were being bad to you and I was to and we will not do it agen and so I am so, so sary for being bad. Sincerely, _______
Dear Mr. _____, I am sorry for the bad things I did. I apolagies for [doing what I did]. I try to not to [do what I did] Next time you come. Sincerely, _____

Mother's Day Cards

2006-05-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

I spent my third day with the "Class That Won't Be Quiet", a 3rd grade class that is located a little inland from the coast. There was no testing today (3 straight days is enough!), except for the kid who missed testing due to her allergic reaction to carrots(!). She had to do makeup testing. Instead, we got back to a more normal routine...sort of. With Mother's Day on Sunday, the students devoted a little time creating and writing a card that each could give to his or her mother on Sunday. It was a very cute project: a card that looks like a huge candy kiss wrapped in foil.

We brainstormed what they might want to say and I wrote their ideas on the board. Then they took from those ideas, along with using their own, and wrote a rough draft. After I checked their spelling, etc. they did their final copy for the card (on chocolate kiss-shaped paper).

When you are a substitute teacher you rarely get much of an overall picture of a student. Normally you simply get a tiny snapshot of who they are and how they act. And even then you see only how they may act with a substitute. I got a little more today, thanks to these Mother's Day cards. Of course, some just wrote what went up on the board from the brainstorm. Others wrote more or made fine contributions to the brainstorm. The usual stuff included: "You are the best mom in the whole wide world" and "Happy Mother's Day" and, to go with the theme of the card, "You are sweeter than chocolate".

Without revealing identities, here are some of the things they wrote:

Dear Mom,
You are the most beautiful mom. I love you very much. You are the best mom in the world.
~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mom,
You are there for me every time. I love you very much. Have a Happy Mother's Day.
~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mom,
I love you and want to thank you for all the icky kisses you have done to me. I love you and have a happy mother's day and love you so much and you are sweeter than a chocolate kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mommy,
I thank you for doing so much hard work. It must be so hard for a single mom. I love you. I'm sorry if I put you through a lot of hard stuff. But I love you with all my heart and you're the best mom in the whole entire galaxy. You're sweeter than all the candy in the world.
~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mom,
I look up at you and I see my hero. I don't know what I'd do without you, Mom. You are the best thing that happened to me. You're the world's best mom. You inspire me so much and I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

After these past 3 trying days, it was nice to see another side of them.

T-Shirts

2006-05-12T00:37:00.001-07:00

These are the top two inappropriate t-shirts I have seen on elementary school students, both on 3rd graders:

An vulgar, four-letter plural word for women's breasts, beginning with a T, all in capital letters that were about 6" tall!
On a much larger than average boy, his shirt had a double headed arrow running from side to side. The shirt read: "You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride". At first I just thought it was amusing to see it on him, but now I think it has another connotation.

P.E.?

2006-05-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

Today I wrote the day's schedule on the board, something the students aren't exactly used to. Some teachers do it as a matter of routine. In other classrooms there is a set routine, a set schedule, and it is not written down on a daily basis. One of the afternoon activities I listed for them was "PE?".

As the students came in and read the board, there was immediate discussion. "What are we gonna play?" was the first thing I heard.

"That's not what it means," answered another. "It means MAYBE we'll have PE. Which means we probably won't 'cause our class is so noisy." She was right on target.

By the time 1:40 came around, I had only managed to award 6 point. I had hoped to give out a good 20 points just during the two 50 minute test periods that we had. (It was the 3rd day for the STAR state test.) NOPE! They simply couldn't go even 3 minutes without someone talking or doing something to break the rules. Did I WANT them to earn points? Yes! I wanted to be out for PE like them. They just couldn't seem to keep it together.

At 1 minute a point 6 minutes wasn't very much PE! And then, in the end it only amounted to FIVE minutes because they were so disruptive and noisy lining up that we had to line up twice!

Tomorrow, my third day in this classroom, should be better...

...but it won't be.

State Testing

2006-05-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

I am back in the "3rd Grade Class That Won't Be Quiet". This class is a challenge no matter how you look at it. They are constantly talking and doing things. When I talk to them individually by name, telling them to stop talking or to put something away, they often don't respond, continuing their behavior. Since I'm not the greatest when it comes to remembering names anyway, I begin to wonder if I even have their names right. It just doesn't matter. It's as if they can't even hear me. It's as if they aren't even aware of what they are doing. The thing that's different about this class is that there are SO MANY like this. And the kids who are well behaved? Well, they have their own issues.

Today I gave part of the State Test, given every year beginning in 2nd grade. Even though I am a substitute, I went in after school a week or so ago and received the "training" necessary to give the test. This was a planned absence by the teacher. This is very much frowned upon but I think it was grudgingly allowed because I am known by the principal at the school and I was willing to come in on my time to be trained.

As a teacher who is giving the test, I have sworn an affidavit that prevents me from discussing the test or its content. If you were hoping for something juicy about the test, sorry. I intend to honor those restrictions.

The most exciting incident of the morning occurred less than 10 minutes into the test. Before we started I handed out small bags of carrot sticks for the kids to munch on during the test. This was greeted with nearly universal excitement, much to my surprise. After I passed out the test materials and read the instructions from the provided script, they went to work...except for one girl. She just sat there staring at the test, rubbing her eyes, becoming agitated.

When it finally got bad enough, I went over there to find out what was going on. With red eyes she looked at me and said her eyes were itching her. She thought it started when she broke open the carrots. I had her get a wet paper towel, hoping that would sooth her, but it was immediately evident that this was getting worse. She went to the office and then went home.

When I called the office after we had finished, they told me that she had reacted to the carrots and had broken out in hives by the time she had gotten to the office. Then they added, "You have to be careful about what you give the kids."

I've never heard of someone being allergic to a benign root crop. Carrots?! Never heard of such a thing. And then I find it a little absurd that they would tell me to be careful! Give me a break! I'm 50 years old, subbing for over 5 years, and with two kids of my own. Carrots? Don't be so insulting and condescending. (I know, I'm over-reacting...just like they did.)

The kids were somewhat quiet during the test. At least they were better than usual, which isn't saying much. The rest of the day was at least as bad as usual with these guys. Two more days to go...I can't wait.

A Substitute's Wish List

2006-05-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of things I wish the teacher would leave me when I substitute in his or her elementary school classroom. What is so important for the regular teacher to remember is that my job is challenging enough as I come into an unknown situation. The more I have to fuss around with the things I need to keep the class going, the more chaotic, difficult, and stressful the day will go. It is important to find a balance when it comes to information. Too much will mean that I won't have time, or take time, to read everything, leading to oversights.

If I think of more things I will add them to this list and republish it with the current date.

Seating Chart - I don't always use one but it's nice to have. (One with student photos attached would be even better! That's especially true for 5th and 6th grades.)
Desks that have taped down name tags.
A brief description of what behavior management system is used.
A simple list of standard consequences for bad behavior and options I can resort to if things begin to get out of hand. For example, is there another classroom I can send an unruly student to? And when is it appropriate to send a student to the Principal's office?
What the rewards are for good behavior.
Names of students I can rely on to give me accurate information on how things are usually done and what procedures are followed.
Names of students I ought to keep a close eye on and, briefly, why.
Emotional, mental, or physical difficulties I should be aware of.
A lesson plan that tells me what you want/expect me to get accomplished, and how.
A lesson plan with times on it so I know how long we have for each activity or lesson.
Information on what the students should hand in, and where they should put it, at the BEGINNING of each lesson in the plan.
Materials, teacher's guides, handouts, etc. stacked in the sequence of when I will need them. Don't make me chase around the room for stuff so that the kids can desolve into chaos while I hunt.
ENOUGH copies of necessary handouts and materials so that I have extra (for students who lose theirs and so that I may demonstrate what to do if need be).
Filler/extra work that I may assign if a lesson gets done early.
Options students have if, individually, they finish earlier than the rest of the class.
A boombox or VCR or DVD player or computers that work and are easy to figure out, or has directions included. I'm technically savvy but STILL seem to run into equipment that won't work for me.
While you're at it, I would appreciate being able to use a computer with access to the internet. It's how I write my "report to the teacher". Do I need a password?
CD's, DVD's, VHS tapes...whatever media I'm expected to use, set out so I don't have to search. Even better if it's cued up to the spot so I can just push "play".
Do not say "PE - Your choice"! While I may have games for most grades, not all subs do. In fact, PE was not covered in any of the classes I took to earn my teaching credential.
If I am expected to grade papers, leave an example of how to mark AND score each type of paper. Do I circle wrong answers? Do I write the numer right or wrong? Do I write a fraction? Do I calculate a percentage? Do I use a red pen, which some consider to be a no-no because of what they associate with it?
List of telephone numbers by the phone so that I may contact other teachers and the office, and any special instructions for using the phone (e.g. dial 9 do dial outside).

Sharing / Show and Tell

2006-04-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

As a substitute for six years, frequently in Kindergarten and First grade, I have seen my share of Sharing and Show-and-Tell activities. Back in the old days (when I was a kid) it seems like it was always referred to as Show-and-Tell. Now it is most often called Sharing. Whatever it’s called it’s still the same thing: students bring something in to share with their classmates.

Generally, there are two basic formats for sharing. One has the student bringing up his or her “treasure” and telling about it. The other involves a “Secret Share”. Also, sometimes the item is supposed to start with a certain letter or sound, or be a certain color, depending on what is being learned that week.

Typically, in the first format, the student goes out to her backpack, gets her item, and comes up to the front of the room. She then either sits in the teacher’s chair or stands in front of the room. Sometimes there is a standard introduction: “Hi. My name is ________ and I brought something to share.” Then she proceeds to tell about her item as she holds it up. Often she tells why “it is special to me”. Then most classrooms allow 2 or 3 comments or questions from the other students. “Are there any comments or questions?” she asks.

Her audience then has a chance to respond. I would say that 90% of the time there are repeat questions or questions that were obviously answered in the presentation. Only occasionally are there questions that coax out more relevant information from the sharer... and these usually occur in first grade. The most common things the audience will say are:

“I like it.”
“Is it special to you?” which always elicits a response of “Yes”, and
“Where did you get it?”

In the Secret Share format, the student goes out to his backpack, gets his item, and comes to the front. Sometimes the item is in a paper bag. Other times the student hides the item under his jacket, in his pocket, or rolled up in his shirt. Still other times he tries to hide it behind his back, struggling to walk while trying to prevent curious eyes from seeing what it is.

“Hi. My name is _____________ and I brought something to share.” Then he gives up to three clues. For example, “It starts with the letter ‘S’, it’s yellow, and my mom gave it to me.” Guesses on what it is are then made by as many as 3 students. It is surprising how often the first person guesses correctly, but there are two reasons for this. It is difficult to hide the item from prying eyes as the little guy walks to the front of the classroom and tries to climb into the teacher’s chair. And for most 5 and 6 year olds, it is nearly impossible to keep a secret! That, combined that with the propensity of them to call on one of their friends, who already knows what it is, and you can end up with very few guesses being made.

At the other end of the guessing game is an equally likely sequence of events. After the student gives his clues, the audience raises their hands to make guesses. The guesses can be logical and reasoned, taking into account all the clues, and still not get it. The guesses can also be completely off base, having nothing to do with the clues, either because the students weren’t listening, don’t remember them, or are unable to keep them all straight. One other reason the guesses might turn out to be completely off target is the real possibility that one of the clues has nothing to do with what’s being shared!

As with any activity, behavior has to be supervised and regulated. Since the kids are usually sitting on the floor during sharing, I am repeatedly telling them to sit up and not lie down. With your neighbor constantly in danger of being more interesting than the person in front of the class, keeping your attention on the speaker can also be a challenge.

And then there’s the speaker. Most students are excited when it’s his or her turn and are experienced enough from doing it every week that they just run through their turn and sit down. As with everything else in the classroom, students can be unpredictable when you are the substitute. Some students, no matter how much you coax them, speak inaudibly. Other students are shy about speaking in front of their classmates. I’ve sat up there next to them as support. Some are so shy that I have even had the kid whisper the clues or description to me and I’ve done the talking for them! I see that as a better option than the kid not sharing at all. Although I probably won’t be there, I imagine that with a little more experience the student will be able to do it on her own.

There are also speakers who simply freeze up and forget what they’re going to say. Some don’t really make any sense. Some fail to show the item until they sit down after they are done. Some speakers, who seem to think they are the next great comedian, get silly beyond belief. Some simply love to be in the limelight and go on and on and on just so they can stay up in front of the class. And finally there is the speaker who let’s the power go to his head! Being in charge of the class can be intoxicating and they will take every opportunity to shush people and enforce the rules while they are speaking and taking questions!

Dysfunctional 3rd Grade

2006-04-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

Spent the 2nd of 2 days with a 3rd grade class today. They are quite a group. Their teacher says they are the most dysfunctional class she has had in her roughly 30 years of teaching. Even the "good" kids have some sort of problem. Another 3rd grade teacher refers to them as "a handful".

To make things even worse, the lesson plans are rarely complete and usually difficult to read. Sometimes I just cannot figure out what her abbreviations are or decipher her handwriting. If it were someone else, I would turn down her requests for me to sub in her class. The trouble is that I feel a sense of loyalty and maybe even obligation because she seems to count on me to be there for her. With her being no spring chicken, I also have a soft spot in my heart for her. So I struggle through whatever she leaves me and do the best I can.

The biggest thing about this particular class is that they will not shut up. I would put that more diplomatically but nothing else conveys the idea with enough forcefulness. I tried nearly everything yesterday. With little success. I singled out kids for positive behavior. I had them move their clips down on the behavior chart, leading to lost recess time. I moved one kid to a back table. I awarded table points with candy! as a reward for the top point-earning team. I kept them all in for over half their recess to finish work that was unfinished due to their wasting time. I kept some of them in for the start of lunch to finish work that was unfinished due to their wasting time. I took away their PE because of their constant interruptions and their inability to SHUT UP! It didn't matter what I did. They either couldn't or wouldn't stop talking. In fact it is as if they are unaware that they are talking.

So today I started off with table points and moving people into corners...no nonsense. One student was sent outside. Another student was sent to another classroom. I continued with the candy bribe for the top 2 tables. The students continued to talk, to interrupt, and to be rude. But it was better. By most measures I would have considered today a failure, but given their usual behavior, I'm giving myself a pat on the back.

The result of this weeks sub jobs is the "Wish List".

Oh, almost forgot this: one of the boys was wearing a t-shirt today that read something like, "Bothering My Sister: It's What I Do" or "Born to Bother My Sister"!

Not Enough Copies

2006-04-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

The way your day goes when you substitute in kindergarten depends on two things: 1) how organized and well-planned the lessons are and 2) how well adjusted and socialized (and therefore, usually, how well-behaved) the kids are in the classroom.

We started the day with introductions and setting expectations so everyone was aware of consequences for poor behavior. I have been in this class before so, except for three new students, they all knew what to expect. As usual, nearly all were happy to see me. Also as usual, one kindergartener was upset that "her teacher" wasn't there, which meant some tears. She was fine, and in fact, happy, within ten minutes.

The last time I subbed in this classroom, it was a nightmare. One of the students was acting out his anger and frustration, disrupting the entire class. The poor kid's parents had divorced and he was in the middle, going back and forth between the two houses. And the 2 houses couldn't be more different. In general, Dad's house provided structure and rules, while Mom's house included a boyfriend and a lack of structure. It was all just too much for the boy and he expressed this with tantrums, throwing things, and refusing to cooperate. It was very sad for this little guy, but now that he was no longer here, everyone else in the room was better off.

Carl, formerly number two on the depth chart, was now the number one mischief maker. He requires closer supervision to keep him from getting too physical with others or getting off-task. He was responsible for the only "incident" of the pre-recess morning. Carl's group was with me and we were working on journal writing. The students were to write: "I like to play..." and complete the sentence. Ideally, they will add another sentence of elaboration. We brainstormed what they could write to finish the sentence. Some of the ideas included soccer, baseball, freeze tag, with my friends, horses, bingo, with my tarrantula, and Xbox.

Carl seconded the bingo idea by saying, "Bingo Fart." Of course this was hilarious to the 5 and 6 year olds.

I had Carl "move his clip" down which meant he would lose 5 minutes of recess. He would get to move this up if he behaved the rest of the morning, which he did.

Lesson plans in Kindergarten need to be pretty specific and timed well so they last for close to the amount of time alotted. If a lesson is shorter it's always nice if the teacher has left something extra to do. If it runs long it's very possible that this will affect the next thing on the schedule. Sometimes that thing is not something you can be flexible on...like leaving for lunch or rotating between classrooms.

The last lesson of the morning was with a group of students whose first language is Spanish. 14 of the 16 students for this English Language Development group came from the other kindergarten classes so we did some introductions first. The lesson was on the parts of a plant (flower, leaf, stem, roots). One student said, "That's an F-word."

"You are right... Flower!"

After we learned the parts together, they were to take a photocopy of a plant that was divided into quarters. Each section of the paper had either the roots, the flower, or the stem and leaves. The kids were to cut out the 4 pieces assemble in a vertical sequence, and glue them onto paper.

I was about to do a quick demonstration but as I grabbed the stack of papers I noticed how thin it was. Uh-oh! I counted the papers to find 13 sheets. Not enough copies! Not only could I not afford to do a complete demonstration that would also give them an example to immitate, I would not have enough for each student. I passed out what papers I had and attempted to quickly sketch 3 more. Big mistake! By the time I finished, nearly everyone, more or less unsupervised, was busy doing the wrong thing as they tried to cut and assemble the flower.

Not only that, instead of the 35 minutes I thought I had, I only had about 28 minutes because of the switching back to home classrooms to get ready for lunch. So the last few minutes were a whirlwind of activity to clean up, collect unfinished papers, and lineup to go. The kids I had with me had to leave with the other classes to get their hot lunches because I needed to remain behind and supervise the kids that brought there lunch until the noon supervisor arrived.

The lesson turned out ending in disaster. The timing was wrong, the material provided was inadequate, and the lesson itself that the teacher left fell short of being adequate. My one regret in the whole thing was making the wrong decision by continuing with the lesson as it was layed out. In hindsight I should have changed things up, perhaps doing the activity whole group.

So it goes sometimes.

Kinds of Angles

2006-04-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

Humor warning... Be advised: this post rates zero laughs out of 5.

Last week in the 3rd grade class I taught a math lesson on angles. It was a good, hands-on lesson about the names of different kinds of angles...you remember them: right angles, acute angles, and obtuse angles. The lesson included allowing the kids to go around the classroom with an "angle finder". An angle finder is simply two 6" strips cut from index cards that are joined together with a brad at one end. This allows the kids to hold the angle finder on the edge of a desk or against the braces under a table, which helps them visualize the angle better.

I went over the names of the angles, doing the usual thing of emphasizing how angles that are smaller (less than 90 degrees) are "cute" acute angles, and then, lowering my voice I showed and named an example of an OBTUSE angle. After they had spent a few minutes looking for different angles and sharing what they found, I held up my folding/flip cell phone. This of course grabbed their attention. I slowly opened the phone and named the angle as I did so. Soon they were joining me. In high-pitched voices we said, "Acute...acute...acute...acute." Then, in a regular voice, "Right angle." Finally, in a deeper voice, "Obtuse...obtuse...obtuse...obtuse."

To finish it off I wish I had held up my open phone and written on the board "Obtuse" and "Open" and circled both O's. It would have been one more way for them to remember the name. I think they're most likely going to remember the "cute" acute angle anyway.

Choreographed Dance

2006-03-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today I substituted in a 3rd grade classroom at a school where I am a regular. In fact, I am a regular for all 4 of the 3rd grade teachers there. The advantage to working at one school on a regular basis is that nearly all the students know me, as do the teachers. I am able to build relationships with the kids that I normally wouldn't have if I only saw them a few times a year. I also generally know the classroom routines at least a little bit and that helps the day run more smoothly. There is less of a sense of pressure and uncertainty when you have both of these things going for you.

When I arrived at 7:30 I gave my time sheet to the secretary, got the attendance folder and key, and walked to the classroom. The key didn't work so I had to return it and try again. This can lead to a building stress if you aren't familiar with the class and the routine because you only have so much time to familiarize yourself with that stuff before the little darlings appear. If stuff isn't layed out or explained well in the plans you need every minute to prepare. If you are running late you end up scrambling to keep things under control. The last thing you want to be is unprepared with 20 or 30 kids waiting, some of them ready and willing to add to any chaos that appears!

I went over the sub plans as soon as I got into the room. The first hour and 20 minutes in this 3rd grade is like an elaborately choreographed dance. Students received directions for seatwork and an explanation of how to do one of the pages. Then I send one kid to the resource room, 4 kids to the computers, and 6 kids to a remedial reading specialist who comes into the class for about an hour. I call 2 other kids over to work with me and the rest do work at their seats. After 15 minutes kids begin to rotate: new kids on the computer, with the specialist, with me, or doing seat work. There ends up being 4 rotations. During that time a 2nd reading specialist takes 2 of the kids to another room to work with them in a small group for 15 minutes. All of this choreography has been ironed out by the regular teacher and things run very smoothly.

Today, about 20 minutes into the school day, my nose began to run. This is not the first time this has happened and so I knew I was in for it. It is usually is a sign of an allergic response to something. Sometimes it's something in the classroom and sometimes it's some plant or pollen or something outside. Having allergies sounds like such a wimpy thing... but it simply makes me miserable. I some times wonder if I'm going to make it through the day when it hits me. My nose starts running, I start sneezing, and no matter how many times I blow my nose, the relief only lasts about a minute, if that. I never know whether or not it will subside or make me miserable the whole day.

By the time we had finished with reading groups, etc., at 9:20, it was obvious that this pain-in-the-nose wasn't going away. My choices are limited. Either I suffer through it or I take Sudafed or Benadryl and deal with the overwhelming desire to go to sleep. (Those non-drowsy antihistamines don't do anything.) Today I chose to suffer.

We began to correct the Practice Book page the kids were supposed to have finished. I frequently stopped to use a tissue. I apologized, saying, "I'm sorry; I have allergies. I must be allergic to something."

They offered ideas. "It's probably Terry" (the class turtle). Another said, "It's Grimey!" the class gecko. A third student, a girl who skipped a grade, said, "I think you're allergic to the kids. Maybe you shouldn't substitute anymore!"

"Maybe you're right!" I answered, and we laughed.

To finish the day all the 3rd graders did an "archeological dig" in the sandbox. They picked partners and went out to dig up "artifacts" in the sandbox that were placed there by volunteer parents. The kids were to work carefully, recording their findings on a grid. Some embraced the archaeologist's job and were meticulous as they removed layer after layer of sand using spoons and paint brushes.

Unfortunately, some kids didn't really get the archeology concept, or didn't care. One pair dug through their quadrant in minutes, anxious to uncover whatever was there and not bothering to record anything. They said, "We'll do it after."

Another pair started out fine but as time went on one of them got impatient and began digging like a dog. In no time at all she had thrown 3 piles of dirt into her partner's hair and onto her shirt. The one with sand in her hair retaliated with a handful of her own by the time I stopped them. (I'd have found it humorous if my nose hadn't been draining the whole time.)

Taken as a whole I think the activity was fun and worthwhile. The kids learned a lot AND got to do something 'hands-on'.

The Job of Substitute Teaching

2006-03-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

Part of the challenge of being a substitute teacher is the unknown that you face each time you go into a classroom. This is obviously true for any job, including the teacher who has her own classroom. As a substitute, though, you go into a different classroom almost every day, where you face different students, different rules, and different routines. The variety of routines and rules can be a problem, especially if they are complex and/or the teacher does a poor job of communicating them to the sub.

The biggest unknown, as it can be with any job that involves interacting with people, is the kids. As a sub, you can be walking into a situation where they all know each other and you know none of them. First, you have individual kids. How well does each behave? Do any of them have personality "issues"? Does someone have a disability that isn't obvious? Is "odd" behavior by one tolerated by all because this is just how this kid is? Is there a student you just don't confront, or push, or discipline, or (fill in the blank) because otherwise he goes ballistic, has a meltdown, escalates the disruption, or (fill in the blank).

Second, you have a group of kids. How do they interact with each other? Are there groups that gang up on someone or exclude someone? Are there any on-going feuds? How do the students act when their "boss", their regular teacher, is away?

The classroom teacher presumably has strategies, routines, standard responses, and consistent consequences that everyone in the class is used to. The degree that this is true of course depends on how long the class has been together and how long a particular problem has been around. The substitute, no matter who he or she is, reacts differently than the teacher does to everything. This typically has the affect of causing the students to act differently and to see what they can get away with. The older they get the more they test and challenge.

My job, and challenge, is to get through the day accomplishing what the teacher wants to accomplish without chaos, meltdowns, or major injuries. Most subs manage this by being rigid, strict, firm, and grumpy, or, as the kids say, "mean". That's usually not my style. Although I am strict when it comes to behavior that is disruptive, I just don't put on a mean face. I think the kids enjoy me when I sub for them because I smile, make fun of myself, use humor, and have animated reactions to certain comments and situations. of course, this can backfire because some will take this as a signal that it's a free-for-all, so I have to do other things to make sure they know that IT'S NOT.

The thing about subbing is that you generally don't get the satisfaction of helping students learn and grow over an extended period of time. You know that you're not going to be there to repeat corrections and reinforce the accomplishments and successes that they have. A sub has limited impact and can only do so much. Really, you are pretty much at the mercy of whatever the regular teacher has put in place. While frustrating at times, you also don't have the on-going responsibility that the teacher has. At the end of the day you go home, eat dinner, and wait for the phone to ring.

How Old Are You?

2006-03-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm substituting in a classroom we will have an extra 5 minutes left after finishing a lesson that can be used for whatever I choose. Often when this happens I will sit down at the front of the class and ask the students if the want to ask me any questions. When they figure out that I mean "personal" questions, two questions typically come up. "How old are you?" and "Are you married?" When someone asks how old I am I tell them that it's not polite to ask an adult how old they are. Then I pause before saying that I'll tell them anyway.

Recently I was subbing in a 2nd grade class where we had 4 minutes before the recess bell was to ring so I took questions. "Are you married, Mr. S.?" asked one of the girls.

"Yes, I am," I answered, holding up my left hand and pointing at the wedding band.

"How long have you been married? What's your wife's name?"

"I've been married 23 years," was my answer, which drew immediate 'wows' and 'ohhhs'.

Before I could give my standard answer to the name-of-my-wife question, which I always answer with "Mrs. S.", a boy spoke up without raising his hand. "That means you're like half a century old!"

I couldn't help but laugh! I told him, "You're right. I'm 49." What I didn't say was, "Thanks a lot! I never thought about it that way. Thanks for making me feel REALLY old."

Where Do Books Take You?

2006-03-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

The following article appeared in The Onion in 1997. It goes against something I learned and have strongly believed as a father, a teacher, and a bookseller.

Books Don't Take You Anywhere
December 16, 1997 Issue 32•19

WASHINGTON, DC—A study released Monday by the U.S. Department of Education revealed that, contrary to the longtime claims of librarians and teachers, books do not take you anywhere.

"For years, countless educators have asserted that books give readers a chance to journey to exotic, far-off lands and meet strange, exciting new people," Education Secretary Richard Riley told reporters. "We have found this is simply not the case."

According to the study, those who read are not transported to any place beyond the area in which the reading occurs, and even these movements are always the result of voluntary decisions made by the reader and not in any way related to the actual reading process.

"People engaged in reading tend to be motionless," Riley said. "Not moving tends to make it easier to read."

In various field experiments, the study found that young readers are particularly susceptible to the reading-travel myth. One test subject, 11-year-old Justin Fisher of Ypsilanti, MI, began reading a fantasy novel by C.S. Lewis under close observation. After 40 minutes, the only trip Fisher took was to the bathroom, a journey he himself initiated because he "had to go." Further, at no point did Fisher's voyage to the bathroom involve evil witches, messianic lions or closet portals to other universes.

"I just stayed in my chair without moving that much," Fisher said. "I think I scratched my head a couple of times."

Another case documented in the study was that of San Diego 13-year-old Liz Kent, who read Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. Over the course of more than three hours reading the pirate-adventure tale, at no point did she make a new friend or travel to a distant land.

The study did note one exception to the findings, citing situations in which people read on buses, cars, trains or planes. Even in these cases, however, the reading-travel link is tenuous at best.
"Many people enjoy reading while traveling," Riley said. "But it is important to note that the traveling always results in the reading, and never the reverse."

As a result of the study, it is expected that many young people will call into question what Riley termed "the empty promises of library posters and other pieces of pro-reading propaganda."

"I hate it when you get excited about a place and then you don't go there," 10-year-old Ashley Brandes of Atlanta said. "Reading sucks."

No Jobs

2006-03-24T17:52:00.000-08:00

After only working 2 days last week, in which I expected to work not at all because it was conference week, I had no jobs this week; and thus, no stories to tell. The jobs I got called for included a PE class for 7th and 8th graders, and 3 kindergarten jobs. I didn't accept any of them.

I would rather die than work with middle-school students, and since I don't have a credential for that anyway, I'm not sure why the machine called me. Some people have a gift for working with this aged student but I am not one of them, at least not in a public school setting. Many of those same people cannot stand to work with little 5, 6, or 7 year olds. I am the opposite.

As for the kindergarten assignments, I tend not to accept those jobs outside of the schools I know and regularly work at. In the past I have accepted those assignments and have nearly always found them very difficult. I don't know the routine for one thing and for another, the teachers have not left very good plans. It's a different story if you know the school and the routine at least a little bit.

I am anticipating a good story or two sometime next week. I believe I'll be subbing in the "2nd Grade Class From Hell". I've been in there before and would probably turn the job down, except I like the teacher a great deal and know that I can manage.

In an effective classroom...

2006-03-23T00:11:00.000-08:00

"In an effective classroom students should not only know what they are doing, they should also know why and how." ~ Harry K. Wong

The Stupid Class

2006-03-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Anyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Teacher Pun

2006-03-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.

St. Patrick's Day, Monday, 3/17/06

2006-03-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

Spent the day in a Kinder/1st grade combination class today. The kids know me, as do the parents, since I've subbed there multiple times. In fact I subbed in this class on Monday of this week. It's a nice class with the usual challenges.

Let's just say right off that I now hate St Patrick's Day. There's nothing really wrong with the "holiday", it's just that I think it's kind of one of those phony holidays in the United States, in the same way that Cinco de Mayo is. Maybe I'm just bitter because I don't drink beer anymore!

The kids were more excited than usual when I walked out to the line. They are usually excited to see me but today it had to do with it being St Patrick's Day. The kids were taking inventory of who forgot to wear green in anticipation of pinching those who didn't. Seeing this, I began to plan my speech to head off trouble before it began. As we walked down the hall, 2 Kinders were exchanging angry words with each other... and it had nothing to do with the "wearing of the green!" Eric was angry and ready to take action against John because John had pushed him.

Just inside the door I stopped them both to investigate and prevent an escalation of hostilities. Eric said he was pushed and John said he didn't push him. When I asked John why Eric thought he HAD pushed him, John had no answer. FINALLY John said, "I just touched his back." Oh, THAT explains it. I gave the usual verbal warnings (no yellow card was shown) and then headed to the teacher's chair in front of the "circle" where the students gather on the rug.

We discussed St Patrick's Day traditions briefly before I made my proclamation:

"There will be NO pinching in school!"

All understood and, surprisingly, we had no trouble the rest of the day.

After reading about cloud types and how they are formed, a parent came in and did a little St Patrick's Day activity. The kids went out and hunted for gold coins that the Leprechaun left in the playground equipment. This revved up the kids of course. When we got back inside they all counted their coins. Some found 12, one found 2. I managed to persuade the more generous kids to share the wealth a little. Then they each had a chance to "buy" small candy treats with their gold coins. This was their first "math lesson" for the day. The candy had no affect whatsoever on their excitement.

3 children chose to keep the gold coins they had found, viewing them as more valuable than the candy. Defending her position on the relative merits of each, one said, "Candies bad for you anyway!" A second one said, "Candy has bugs in it!" I foolishly dispelled this 2nd notion, fearing the other children might not want to finish eating their candy. Yes, I was foolish. Honesty can be a hard habit to break.

The next math lesson involved Lucky Charms cereal (They're Magically Delicious) and "Big Buddies" from 6th grade! Need I say more?! Big Buddies and Little Buddies were given a cup full of the disgusting candy, I mean cereal, and they were to count it out into piles of ten. Then they were to record how many tens and ones they had and how many they had all together. Once recorded they could eat the sugar laden cereal but they had to reserve the "marshmallows" for more math. With the marshmallows they were to sort them by shape, graph how many of each they had, and answer questions about their marshmallow data. Once that was accomplished they could eat the candy, I mean marshmallows. Of course no one washed their hands before handling the cereal so you can imagine how appetizing these Lucky Charms were! Thankfully, it was now time for recess.

During recess the Room Mom came back to the room, turned over chairs, sprinkled glittery confetti around, spilled the gold coins out of the "pot o' gold", and left a note saying that the Leprechaun had been here. As you can imagine, this did NOT lead to a general calm when the students returned from recess.

I eventually regained control and we made a booklet showing 4 different kinds of clouds--you know, cirrus, nimbus, etc., out of cottonballs. Of course, most of the kids' clouds all LOOKED the same but there really was some learning going on. After that we had an hour to dedicate to ABC Bingo (in which winners got a gold coin) and an indoor game called Silent Ball, or Silent Dynamite.

Silent Dynamite is great fun and they love to play it. Why? Because it requires 2 important things: the classroom lights are turned off and the kids sit on top of their desks. This makes whatever else happens worth the price of admission regardless of what the other rules are! The most important other rule is that you can't talk or laugh or cough on purpose while playing or you are out. This makes the game a favorite for Substitute Teachers as well! Of course, for Kinder/1st Graders the rules have to be modified so that they may signal their request to go to the bathroom. Why this game caused so many to need to do this I'm not sure, but today there was a National Record set with 9 requests made over a 20 minute time period!

Unfortunately John and Eric both got out early in the 1st game and immediately were attracted to each other. Hostilities resumed and John had to be culled from the herd. During the 2nd game both got out and hostilities continued, with Eric being caught as the instigator, leading to his separation from the group. Mark and Maria were the final 2 in both Silent Dynamite games before Mark eventually triumphed.

Lunch arrived not a moment too soon. We squirted hand sanitizer on our hands (as if it really mattered at this point!) and lined up for lunch. One line is for students who buy their lunch and the other is for those who bring their lunch from home. No surprise here but Eric and John just HAPPENED to both bring their lunches and they both just HAPPENED to end up in line together! Hostilities ensued and the warring factions were separated and made to stand 10 yards apart and wait for me while I delivered the other students to their culinary destinations. John and Eric obediently waited for me to return and, upon gaining their freedom once again, ran down the hall bumping and scrambling to be first. This certainly couldn't be tolerated and thus they were called back by their commander and ordered to behave or lose recess: their choice. I assume they complied with my order.

While questioning my own sanity, I quickly went out to my car and drove to the School District Office to submit my application for the privilege of teaching 5 weeks of Summer School. Today was the deadline.

Today was a "minimum day" at school, which meant that there were only 15 minutes left after lunch before the kids left for the day. For the benefit of all involved, both Eric and John kept their distance from each other for that final 15 minutes. I was relieved, until of course, we made it into the classroom, whereupon Maria, one of the students who had hoarded her gold coins, announced, "Someone stole all the gold out of my backpack." We did a search, including looking into Midori's backpack. (Midori is a known thief--on Monday I caught her stealing someone's stuff myself !) We never found the gold, though, once again one of the kindhearted students who still had some of her own gold gave Maria a coin. Whether it had been Maria's coin to begin with I have no way of knowing!

With that crisis taken care of, the kids cleaned up the floor, put the chairs up, and left, some of them no doubt hoping to catch some kid not wearing green!